Grief

noun

1.       Intense sorrow.

(in most cases this is caused by someone’s death)

We grieve many things throughout our lives. We grieve the loss of life but we also grieve the ending of relationships, the ending of a friendship. We grieve because the future we planned has now changed.

We know that there are 7 stages of grief;

Shock – Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.

Denial – Trying to avoid the inevitable

Anger – Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion

Bargaining – Seeking in vain for a way out

Depression – Final realisation of the inevitable

Testing - Seeking realistic solutions

Acceptance – Finally finding the way forward

There is no way to force yourself through the stages, some days are gonna hurt way more than others and some days you’ll be able to laugh at jokes and smile to your friends. In everything we do it is a matter of time.

If you are going through a significant loss. I would take some time out to really feel the emotions you have, cry out loud, sob on the kitchen floor if you need to, punch some pillows, be angry they’re gone, let your emotions out. Bottling them up just sets you up for an explosion down the road and by allowing yourself to take the time and acknowledge your feelings, you will begin to move down the path of grief.

One of my most helpful coping mechanisms for grief is positive affirmations. I speak them out loud, to the universe, to myself, to God, to the spirit in the sky or whoever you believe in. You just need to speak these out into the world for them to really take effect.

If it is the end of a relationship/friendship;-

“Thank you for removing something that wasn’t right for me, I know I am disappointed and hurt but it is important to feel these things in order to learn and move onwards.”

I find this a particularly powerful affirmation. I use it to re-iterate that the person wasn’t right for me/my life and that is an important thing to remember, they can’t have been right for you, otherwise you would still be together and they wouldn’t have hurt you.

In the case of loss of life you should make the affirmations about the person;-

“(NAME) had a wonderful life, he/she was loved, she had an impact on my life and I will take the lessons she taught me onwards and teach them to the next generation so her wisdom is never forgotten.”

“(NAME) was needed on another path, I trust that everything happens for a reason and she is safe and taken care of now.”

“I will honour our love, not my loss.”

“I let go of my resistance to this situation and I allow myself to feel this fully, I can still see the love in the world, I can pay tribute by living my own life in a beautiful way.”

Time is the greatest healer but that doesn’t mean you should leave the healing up to time. You must continue to feel, continue to be and day by day it will become easier, it’ll be easier to talk about them without getting upset, you’ll start to build your new future and you’ll begin to smile again.

The key is to still live. I know you’re hurting and I know you’re heartbroken but the world is gonna continue to spin, don’t let it spin without you.

 (photo from weheartit.com / @emmyhhs)