Not being yourself. People pleasing. Always acting in a way that conflicts with your authenticity. It’s draining. It causes anxiety. You’ll start to feel resentment. Your relationships are unsatisfying. You’re unmotivated, you crave connection and truth, and you just want to feel seen, heard and appreciated for who you really are.

It’ a vicious circle. The more you act in ways that are not in alignment with your true self, the more you feel the need to continue putting on that front, acting in a certain way, being the person you think others want you to be. The longer you neglect your authenticity, the harder it is to get it back.

You don’t feel like you anymore! You barely recognise yourself. Every day starts to feel hard. Physical manifestations of this could include tension in your jaw, neck and shoulders, headaches, insomnia, and digestive issues. Emotionally, you might be tearful, disengaged, apathetic, or prone to procrastination. You lack the creativity that you once had, and have a tendency towards irritability, withdrawal, or sudden emotional outbursts that feel inappropriate to the situation.

This kind of self-betrayal can impact everything. Your work might suffer, your relationships start to feel strained, and life feels flat. Joy is harder to access, and numbness is a more common feeling.

What can you do? How can you return to your real self? You’ve been pretending for so long!

You don’t have to announce anything to the world. Start by being honest with yourself and gently showing up as the real you. Say ‘no’ to things that don’t suit you. Tell the truth when you have the opportunity. Reconnect with yourself and what matters to you. Why not spend some time on self-development? Remembering the things that light you up and working on feeling better about yourself.

Let go of the need to be liked and understood by everyone and instead focus on connecting with those who get you, and those who have got your back. Choose to be around people who give you space and permission to be your real, unedited self. Be unapologetic about who you are and how you show up in the world. Gradually get back to who you really are and how you want to be perceived by others. It won’t be easy, but it’s entirely possible, and your future self will thank you for returning to your truth and being yourself.

If you want some more guidance and to ponder on the big questions in life, why not check out the Philosopher-in-Residence series. Out every fortnight on a Thursday, and written by our Principal Planner, Anna Pascoe.  You can take a peek at the latest edition here: ON WESSEX - Make Me A Plan