At some point in your life, you’ve probably heard it…

‘You’ve changed’!

How did it make you feel?  As though you had disappointed the person who said it? Worried you’d lose their love or friendship? Desperate to explain or justify yourself? Panicked that you no longer resembled ‘you’?

What if ‘you’ve changed’ is not a criticism at all, but a positive indication of growth and development?

When we change, it can make others around us feel uncomfortable for several reasons – they may be concerned that we will no longer meet the needs that we currently meet for them. It may trigger a feeling of inadequacy, highlight their own perceived shortcomings, or initiate a need to change their own behaviour.

Growth of any kind can cause discomfort – for the person experiencing it and for those around them.

If they benefited from your old ways, your behaviour changes can be unsettling. Scary even. Familiarity is disrupted, and their connection with you may feel uncertain. The dynamic has shifted.

What you tolerate has changed. What you prioritise has changed. Your energy is different. They preferred the predictable version of you.

When someone says, ‘you’ve changed’, you don’t need to defend yourself.  Growth is good! Growth means you are moving forward in life, making different choices and influencing your outcomes. Choosing to be healthier, wealthier, happier, or whatever it is that you desire.

Change doesn’t mean you have lost yourself. It means you have found what matters to you. It means you have found a way that works better for you.

The relationships that are meant to stay will evolve with you, appreciating and celebrating what you are building.

You are not supposed to remain the same. You are designed to grow. So, next time someone tells you you’ve changed, respond with ‘I hope so’!

PS – If you want some more guidance and to ponder on the big questions in life, why not check out the Philosopher-in-Residence series. Out every fortnight on a Thursday, and written by our Principal Planner, Anna Pascoe.  You can take a peek at the latest edition here: https://www.makemeaplan.com/news/on-womens-work/